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Posted by Admin
Thursday, May 05, 2005
You Know That You Are Canadian If... by Expat
You stand in "line-ups" or "queues" at the movies, not lines. You're not offended by the term, "Homo Milk". You understand the sentence, "Could you please pass me a serviette, I just spilled my bowl of poutine!" You eat chocolate bars instead of candy bars. You drink pop, not soda.
You had a PM who wasn't fluent in either of the official languages. You know what it means to be 'on the pogey'. You know that a mickey and 2-4's mean "Party at the camp, eh?!" You can drink legally while still a teen in some provinces. You talk about the weather with strangers and friends alike.
You don't know or care about the fuss with Cuba, it's just a cheap place to travel with very good cigars (and no Americans!). When there is a social problem, you turn to your government to fix it, instead of telling them to stay out of it. You're not sure if the leader of your nation has EVER had sex and you don't WANT to know if he has! You get milk in bags as well as cartons and plastic jugs. Pike is a type of fish, not some part of a highway.
You drive on a highway, not a freeway. You know what a Robertson screwdriver is. You have Canadian Tire money in your kitchen drawers. You know that Mounties "don't always look like that." You dismiss all beers under 6% as "for children and the elderly."
You know that the Friendly Giant isn't a vegetable product line. You know that Casey and Finnegan are not a Celtic musical group. You drive with your headlights on during the day (since 1989, all new cars have been fitted with "daytime running lights"). You participated in "Participaction." You have an Inuit carving by your bedside with the rationale, "What's good enough protection for the Prime Minister is good enough for me."
You wonder why there isn't a 5 dollar coin yet. Like any international assasin/terrorist/spy in the world, you possess a Canadian Passport. You use a red pen on your non-Canadian textbooks and fill in the missing 'u's from labor, honor, color. etc. You know the French equivalents of "free", "prize", and "no sugar added", thanks to your extensive education in bilingual cereal packaging. You are excited whenever an American TV show mentions Canada.
You can do all the hand actions to Sharon, Lois and Bram's "Skin-a-ma-rinky-dinky-doo" opus. You can eat more than one maple sugar candy without feeling nauseous. You were mad at the CBC when "The Beachcombers" was cancelled. You know who "Relic" is/was. You know what a touque is and you own one and often wear it.
You have heard of and have some cherished momento of Bob and Doug McKenzie. You still sing the "Great White North" theme song with pride. You know Toronto is NOT a province. You never miss "Coach's Corner" during Hockey Night in Canada. Back bacon and Kraft Dinner are two of your favourite food groups.
Your car has a cord and plug sticking out of the grill. You only know three spices: salt, pepper and ketchup. You design your Halloween costume to fit over a snowsuit. The mosquitoes have landing lights. You have more kilometres on your snow blower than your car.
You have 10 favourite recipes for moose meat. Canadian Tire Store on any Saturday is busier than most toy stores at Christmas. You live in a house that has no front step, yet the door is one meter above the ground. You've taken your kids trick-or-treating in a blizzard. Driving is better in the winter because the potholes are filled in with frozen snow and slush.
You think sexy lingerie is tube-socks and a flannel nightie with only 8 buttons. You owe more money on your snowmobile than your car. The local paper covers national and international headlines on 2 pages, but requires 6 pages for hockey. At least twice a year, the kitchen doubles as a meat processing plant. The most effective mosquito repellent is a shotgun.
Your snowblower gets stuck on the roof. You think the start of deer season is a national holiday. You head South to go to your cottage. You frequently clean grease off your barbecue so the bears won't prowl on your deck. You know which leaves make good toilet paper now that there are no more dollar bills.
The major parish fund-raiser isn't bingo, it's sausage making. You find -40C a little chilly. The trunk of your car doubles as a portable deep freeze. You attend a formal event in your best clothes, your finest jewellery and your Sorels. You can play road hockey on skates.
You know 4 seasons: Winter, Still Winter, almost Winter and Construction. The municipality buys a Zamboni before a bus. You understand the Labatt Blue commercials. You perk-up when you hear the theme from "Hockey Night in Canada". You pronounce the last letter of the alphabet "zed" instead of "zee." You end some sentences with "eh" ... eh?
I can't take credit for the list, as it was sent to me as an email forward. If anyone knows who the original author is, please let me know and I will attribute the list to them.
Expat Talkback: What else should be included in the list?